Archive for the ‘cebu trip’ Category

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Laugh Trip

September 5, 2007

It was supposedly the night before I left Cebu.
My cousins wanted me to show me around their city, and they decided to bring me to 22nd Street, a comedy bar. The plan was for me to join them later since I had a date with my high school classmates, with one of whom I hadn’t seen since high school. The date stretched into hours. My shame was growing by the minute, and I had to text my cousins that I would be more delayed.
nagsugod na ba? lingaw na ba dira?
Has it started? Has the fun began?
O.(Yes). Can’t stop laughing.”
After what seemed an eternity, we split up. They went to their respective homes, and I caught up with my cousins at 22nd Street. Having heard rumors about the place, I sneaked up while the performers up front were busy interrogating a luckless member of the audience who was forced to volunteer.
It was as hilarious as 4 screaming fag hosts could muster. Almost nothing and no one was spared the butt of their jokes. The humor was bought at the expense of others, but it came without guilt. It was for everyone’s amusement, except perhaps for the subject of the jokes. Yet there was a risk the laughter brought. Anyone, and I must repeat, anyone, can be their subject. Hoping and praying, avoiding eye contact with the hosts, and staying in a dark corner, or in the middle space of the hall is no guarantee for safety.
Paalala lang po. Wag po kayong mag turtleneck,” said the host to a bald man. “Magmukha po kayong roll on deo.”
Just a remider. Please don’t wear a turtleneck shirt. You’d look like a roll on deodorant.
The host also noticed two tables with nothing on top, occupied full with students. “Paalala lang po. Hindi po ito sinehan. Mag-order kayo!
Just a reminder. This is not a movie house. Order something!
Then when my cousin’s friend who had wild hair arrived, “Dumating na po Simba.”
Simba (The protagonist of The Lion King) has arrived.
Then another cousin’s friend arrived. She was wearing a sweater. “Ma’am, giniginaw ba kayo?”
Ma’am, are you freezing?
Apparently, the joke hit her hard. She said, “Makatigulang ba akong buhok? Gitawag man kog Ma’am sa bayot.
Does my hair make me look old? The fag called me Ma’am.
Then there was this old gay man who volunteered to be on the hot seat. “Naku. May taning po ang kabadingan. Di na bagay sa edad mo nyan.
Yikes. Being gay has a limit. It no longer suits you at that age.
Now there were dozens more jokes were they came from. I don’t have the time nor the memory to record them here. Most of the jokes, however, were of the green kind. So stay away if you’re easily offended. But if you do have the chance to be a part of their audience, remember to be inconspicuous and stay unnoticed especially if you have a short temper. As in the words of one host,”‘Wag po kayong magalit. Mga bading lang po kami, mahinhin at malambing…
Please don’t get angry at us. We’re just gays, delicate and affectionate…
They can get away with murder with that statement. But I think anyone who can deliver that kind of humor deserves more.

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Bad Trip

September 3, 2007

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It was the worst boat ride I’ve ever been in my entire life!
The ship stank of urine and stale cigarette smoke. Cockroaches roamed freely on the deck. The bunks gave a light oily sheen, reflecting weeks or even months of cleaning neglect. Bed sheets and pillows were a luxury they didn’t provide.
I swallowed whatever logged into my throat, and braced myself for a night in the Economy class. I could afford higher accomodations, but I wanted to try this one out. Besides, I wouldn’t feel the effect of Economy travel if I could sleep off the night.
I was wrong. What I thought of as a minor 3 hour delay stretched into a major 10 hours! Worse. I couldn’t sleep that night. I sorely missed beddings, pillows, and a blanket. I ranted to my cell phone, recording every word against that ship. It was not pretty. Combine insomnia and inconvenience, and you bring out the elitist bastard in me.
I normally have a high tolerance for inconvenience, but that trip just bled me dry of whatever patience I had in store. And what did my fellow passengers do? They kept it in stride, and slept the night away. I think I was the only one who at least showed some of my anger. I guess the other passengers knew what to expect when they ride Sulpicio Lines. (There. I said it.)
As for me, I’m never riding any Sulpicio Liner ever again as long as I have the power to choose the competition!